Maintaining friendships in your twenties seems like an impossible task to me right now. Some friends are getting married, pregnant, have their whole career planned out and are on the track to achieving all they have ever wanted. Others are trying out dating apps, travelling the world or eating cereal for dinner dreading another day in a dead end job that they despise. I find it easier to relate to the latter group.
It’s hard to stay friends with people who are in entirely different places to you – emotionally, financially and physically. I can’t relate to my friends who are having kids, I have no idea what is like to be married, I can’t even comprehend being on a set career path with goals in mind. There’s people who I used to go out and get drunk with and spend the following day hungover together eating cold pizza. Some of those people now prefer to stay in with their partners and I only see them occasionally when we struggle to keep conversation going because we have less and less in common every day.
It is really hard to keep friendships alive when everyone is changing constantly. One day, you’re chatting with a friend about how crap it is to have to move to another rented property. The next day, they have a fucking mortgage and you can’t help comparing your situation to theirs. Jealousy and confusion are rife amongst the twenty somethings. Sometimes I feel happy for my friends because they have plans and goals and are working towards something. Other times, I get angry at them because they don’t make time for me anymore and I wish I knew what the hell I was doing in life.
Of course you can be friends with people who are at different places in life however, it does make things a bit more tricky. This is particularly true when you’re in a period of life when everything is a bit up in the air. I guess it’s harder for me because of BPD. I’m a person who thrives on intense relationships so when I’m not a priority for someone, it kind of hurts my ego a bit.
Why am I writing this? Well, I’ve been incredibly lonely recently. I feel like I’m standing still while everyone I know is moving around me. When I’ve tried to reach out to people, they haven’t taken my hand. Instead, they’ve explained that they’re really busy or preoccupied. I understand that, I’ve been there. But I think it’s important to take note of the friendships you don’t want to lose and to keep trying with those.
Any advice on keeping friendships when you’re all rapidly changing? Or do we just wait until it settles and know that those friends will stick around a bit longer?