I write a lot about BPD and depression. I do not really write about anxiety much, the thought of even writing about it makes me a little anxious but I’m going to give it a go!
It hits me like a huge wave crashing at the shore, I cannot escape it. My heart beats faster, I start to sweat, I feel trapped and helpless. Everything around me is moving too quickly. Physical objects stop seeming real. I need to get out of here RIGHT NOW.
Those are just some of the things that happen when anxiety strikes. It can happen at any moment. When I’m at home watching television, shopping for food or at a party. There have been periods of my life when my anxiety has not been as bad as others but, for the most part, it’s at a pretty constant level.
I have always been anxious. My school teachers always used to tell my mum that I worried too much. I am forever thinking about the worst possible thing that might happen. I get fixated on it and it is difficult to talk myself down.
As a teenager, my anxiety stopped me doing a lot of things like hanging out with friends. As I’ve got older, it does not stop me as much however, there are still fairly frequent times when I have to turn down invites or cancel plans because my anxiety is too overwhelming. Then I start to get anxious about what people think of me for doing this. A vicious cycle!
Everybody worries. Everybody gets anxious from time to time. The difference for me and anyone else who has an anxiety disorder is that this anxiety has a huge impact on my day to day life. It has resulted in me getting bad grades, turning down job interviews, missing important appointments, losing friendships. Plus, it is fucking exhausting feeling anxious so much of the time.
Anxiety isn’t something that responds well to “don’t worry about it” or “just calm down.” It is a very real and often intense feeling. It takes a lot of work to bring yourself back from an anxiety attack. Physically and emotionally, anxiety drains you of energy.
Next up will be a post about ways to cope with anxiety. Share any thoughts you have in the comments!