borderline personality disorder · relationships · Uncategorized

On Friendship Break Ups

In my experience, friendship break ups are just as hard as romantic break ups. They can happen in the same way: it could fizzle out or a big event could cause it to suddenly end. Either way, it always hurts.

You have been friends with this person for a while. You have shared so many laughs and experiences with them. They have seen you at your best and worst. This is true of romantic and platonic relationships. So of course, the end of these is going to be horrible.

One day you are laughing and joking with someone. Then they aren’t there to turn to when you think of a funny joke. Or you’re looking online and see something that you know they’d love but can’t send it to them. You see them doing amazing things and it feels awkward to congratulate them. Everything changes.

I’ve had lots of friendships fade away. We’ve drifted apart because life takes us in different directions or we realise that we were never really that close anyway. Those are the gentle break ups, the ones that you do not realise are happening until you try and talk to someone and realise they haven’t been around in a while. These are the friendships I look back on with a little nostalgia. I think about the good times with these friends and think it was a shame to have drifted apart. But I understand that this happens a lot, especially as you get older and people move away and move on.

My worst friendship break up happened over 2 years ago. What made it so bad was the fact that it happened alongside a romantic break up. It was a very intense time in my life.

My friend stopped talking to me, she would walk out any room I walked into. I tried to reach out to her. I tried to stop it ending. I did not want to get through life without her. She had made me laugh and smile, I told her everything. She was my person for advice. I really cared about her.

I cried over it a lot. I clung to the idea that maybe we would be friends again one day. I hoped that something would change. But, it didn’t. I had always struggled to keep friends but really thought she would stick around through everything. It was hard because I didn’t understand at the time why it was over. It was all complicated. I think getting over it would have been easier if I had more of an understanding of how she was feeling and what she was thinking.

Advice:

The only thing that helped me, as with my romantic break up, was time. After a few months of denial/anger/sadness, it started to become easier. I had other friends and put my energy into keeping our friendships going. I reminded myself that friendships end and that is okay. You learn from it, you remember the good times and you move past it.

If you ever get the chance to talk about the person about what went wrong then do. Listen to them and take on board what they have to say.

People do not talk about friendship break ups much. But they happen and it is okay to be sad about them, do not let anyone tell you otherwise.

Friendships are so important, they shape who you are and for me, my friends are like a family. So friendships ending, like relationship break ups, can be really painful. It is okay to be sad and to miss the person. Let yourself be sad and reflect on what has happened. Maybe a mistake was made, learn from it. Or maybe you were never meant to be friends for a long period of time, accept this.

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